(Chicago, IL) America, the waiting is over: Presidential hopeful Barack Obama has selected a French Poodle he's named Carter as what he hopes will become the next White House mascot.
"Carter is an innately sophisticated French Poodle…a far superior breed of dog, a multi-lingual cosmopolite" Obama stated.
"It was an easy choice. I mean, consider America's typical household crossbreeds like the dumbed down daschund, the low-class puddle-licking poodle mutt, the extremist gun-loving golden retriever...they embarrass us internationally.
"The French Poodle rises statuesquely, due our emulation".
Obama elabotrated that "the French Poodle exudes a certain sheik'ish flare", and lauded its intelligence.
"American mutts mabye understand basic words like 'sit', 'fetch' and "shake', but Carter comprehends complete sentences, and furthermore, in 3 languages: English, French and Arabic!!" boasted Obama.
One off-record Obama campaign staffer revealed that Carter's linguistic skills extend even beyond hearing.
"(Carter) is already in training to read, specifically to recognize the letters 'CEO' attached to business cards and immediately attack, and signs displaying 'oil pump', which he targets during 'potty time'."