Written by matwil
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Sunday, 13 July 2008

image for Barack Obama caught in a time warp
'Set the controls for 1963, Michelle.'

Today, Senator Barack Obama was sent through the space time continuum to 1963, and found himself at the Brandenburg Gate, in Berlin.

'Wow!', he said, trying to control his pointing addiction, one that has become an obsession, 'now I can really become President! All I have to do is smile and wave, and make vague left-wingish noises, without really saying anything at all. But as long as I have big teeth, and act like Mr Nice Guy, and have a pretty-looking wife, it's the White House for me, woohoo!'

But many were concerned that the Senator would be unable to exercise real power, if he remains stuck in the 1963 time warp, and many were even suggesting he has no real policies or substance, and makes John McCain seem like a fascinating, dynamic figure, but others were less kind.

'Cut his head off!', the Reverend Jesse Jackson shouted on the radio, and 'Never did my brother any harm, having no actual policies or views', Senator Edward Kennedy said, 'oops, well you know what I mean.'

Mr Obama may of course escape from the time warp, and return to 2008, and start talking about recession and economics and employment policies for the 21st century, but until then he'll just have to hang around Berlin, impersonating John F Kennedy. Indeed, he was already heard to be muttering 'I am a donut' and 'I'll be a hamburger next week' over and over, while looking out over the Berlin Wall.

Barack Obama's wife is Michelle Onassis Bouvier van Helsing Obama the Third. The Beatles were unavailable for comment, but John Lennon is rumoured to have said 'He's bigger than Jesus now! Anyone for a Berliner?'

We can only hope that Mr Obama returns safely from 1963, as otherwise the 2008 election will be the most boring and meaningless one in history.

Ronald Reagan is 79 this week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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