Sidney, Australia - In the early 1980s, it was the America's Cup for the prestigious yachting regatta won by the innovative design of Australia II as well as the crew's commitment to winning. Now Australia has surpassed the U.S. once again, only as the country with the fattest populous in the world, seemingly confirming that America has lost its coveted place as the most prosperous nation in the world, if the presence of excess body mass were a valid economic indicator.
"This may be the first time America doesn't mind coming in second," said a spokesman for the U.S. State Department.
Literally as well as fugitively, Americans once cornered the market on being the butt of the joke as the world's fattest nation on the planet, particularly by Europeans, who loved to criticize Americans as if it were a virtue.
Well, now all that has moved farther south, away from the tummies, waists and buttocks of Americans.
"Instead it migrated abroad to the land down under," said a spokesman for the Australian Ministry of Health. "I guess we put one too many shrimps on the barbe and had one too many Vegamite sandwiches, mates. Oh well, what can you do. Drink up if you got them, cheers!"
"I don't know what we'll do now," said a spokesman for the European Union (EU). "This may be the end of the EU. After all, it was our love-hate relationship for Americans to be both like and unlike them that has united us all these years. Well, there is that and their having to save us from destroying each other. We may start arguing over currency design, Captain Euro (that cheep knockoff and attempt to rip off "Captain America". Intellectual property rights infringement lawsuit by Marvel pending) or territorial disputes arising out of topographical errors dating back to Ottoman Empire all over again."