Written by SeanFallon
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Sunday, 13 July 2008

The infamous hamburger thief, known on the streets as "The Hamburglar," was finally tracked down and arrested, late Saturday night, in what was initially a mere traffic stop in suburban New York.

When the officer pulled him over, a search of his car yielded seven stolen hamburgers from seven separate locations including White Castle, Burger King, Wendy's, Jack In The Box, Roy Rogers, Arbys, and Carl's Jr.

Grimace was also arrested, having been his passenger. Both are being charged with seven counts of misdemeanor theft, and seven felony charges of transportation of stolen goods across state lines.

Through his attorney, the Hamburglar has categorically denied all charges, calling them, "outrageous criminal defamation of character."

Grimace has also claimed innocence, saying that he is merely being discriminated against, because he is purple. The Count Von Count, a civil liberties advocate for the rights of Purple-Americans has already planned a protest on Sesame Street, in New York City. Roosevelt Franklin and Floyd are expected to participate.

Ronald McDonald issued the following statement, "This is indeed a day that will live in infamy. Two very close friends of mine have been charged with a heinous crime against humanity. In my heart, I believe they are innocent. I hope that all charges will be dismissed after the evidence is presented. Meanwhile, I don't feel that the media should be dragging their names through the mud, like this, unless an official conviction by a grand jury is made."

Both alleged felons are being held on $300,000 bail, with supersized fries and a soda.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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