Dallas TX, 11 July 2008: Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price is sticking to his June 2008 comments that the term "black hole," which a colleague used, is racist. Price also says language such as "angel food cake" and "devil's food cake" are also racially insensitive.
Aside from Mr. Price's terrible English and getting the very much alive Stephen Hawking and John Wheeler's ghost very upset over the intended use of the term black hole, a drastic change in our English Lexicon would be required. If black and/or similar modifiers to nouns cannot be used anymore because of racial overtones, then here are some suggestions for the new "politically correct" terms:
- Black hole - Covert hole
Black sheep - Not so white sheep
Black ass - Grim Ass
Black and blue - Dim and blue
Black and white - Dark and white
Black humor - Mordant humor
Black market - Bootleg market
Black out - Lights out
Black tie - Anise tie
Blackball - Number eight ball
Blacklist - You're outa here list
Blackmail - Smutty mail
Black hair - Bleak hair
In the black - In the financially sound asset column
The pot calling the kettle black - The pot calling the kettle soot covered
Angel food cake - Your grandbabies food cake
Devil's food cake - Master of hell food cake
Similarly, jokes like the following one must also be suitably modified! What is the difference between a computer design engineer and a prostitute? The prostitute has a black box that works!
Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were heard to say (microphone's supposedly off) that "we laughed our black (oops!) asses off at the County Commissioner's remarks." Senator Barack Obama said "no comment". Maxine Waters (D) Rep. CA fainted.
Reducing black (oops!) on black (oops!) crime, increasing jobs and black (oops!) income, reducing inner city poverty, reducing the number of out of wedlock black (oops!) children and improving the black (oops!) family will just have to be put on hold until this pressing issue is resolved.