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Topics: Racism, Language, Black

Saturday, 12 July 2008

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Dallas TX, 11 July 2008: Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price is sticking to his June 2008 comments that the term "black hole," which a colleague used, is racist. Price also says language such as "angel food cake" and "devil's food cake" are also racially insensitive.

Aside from Mr. Price's terrible English and getting the very much alive Stephen Hawking and John Wheeler's ghost very upset over the intended use of the term black hole, a drastic change in our English Lexicon would be required. If black and/or similar modifiers to nouns cannot be used anymore because of racial overtones, then here are some suggestions for the new "politically correct" terms:

    Black hole - Covert hole
    Black sheep - Not so white sheep
    Black ass - Grim Ass
    Black and blue - Dim and blue
    Black and white - Dark and white
    Black humor - Mordant humor
    Black market - Bootleg market
    Black out - Lights out
    Black tie - Anise tie
    Blackball - Number eight ball
    Blacklist - You're outa here list
    Blackmail - Smutty mail
    Black hair - Bleak hair
    In the black - In the financially sound asset column
    The pot calling the kettle black - The pot calling the kettle soot covered
    Angel food cake - Your grandbabies food cake
    Devil's food cake - Master of hell food cake

Similarly, jokes like the following one must also be suitably modified! What is the difference between a computer design engineer and a prostitute? The prostitute has a black box that works!

Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were heard to say (microphone's supposedly off) that "we laughed our black (oops!) asses off at the County Commissioner's remarks." Senator Barack Obama said "no comment". Maxine Waters (D) Rep. CA fainted.

Reducing black (oops!) on black (oops!) crime, increasing jobs and black (oops!) income, reducing inner city poverty, reducing the number of out of wedlock black (oops!) children and improving the black (oops!) family will just have to be put on hold until this pressing issue is resolved.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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