Written by Steve Shaw
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Topics: America, Gasoline

Thursday, 20 May 2004

Los Angeles, CA-Ask anyone across America today, and they will tell you that gasoline prices have reached ridiculous highs. Not the least of whom would be newly christened double amputee Frank McCrane, a resident of Long Beach, who was recently charged an arm and a leg to fill up his Chevy pickup.

The decision to fill up his truck came when McCrane and a few buddies formed a group to go dirt bike riding out in the Mojave Desert after an exhausting week of work. Just before they set off, McCrane announced he needed gasoline and would return shortly. As he drove off, his friends expected him to return with a full tank of gas and a pumped up attitude. In the end they got that, but they didn't expect him to return with only two limbs.

"I pulled in and approached the attendant who told me my money was no good. I asked why not and he simply pointed to my left arm and leg. I knew immediately what this guy wanted," said a freshly bandaged McCrane, "and believe me, it was a tough choice. But it's not like the other gas stations are charging anything less, so I went ahead and did it. Would have liked some anaesthesia, though."

When asked about how his dirt biking weekend went, he reported things to be "Somewhat normal…but a little off balance."

McCrane's s story is not the only one. It's becoming more and more common across the nation to see a double amputee with freshly bloodied bandages hobbling to his or her newly gassed up car or truck. Most oil companies have been stoic about the issue, saying that in today's bull market, sacrifices must be made.

They did however comment that they're working tirelessly to lower the price of gas to a few toes, or possibly even an ear, but that change is going to come slowly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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