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Topics: Congress, Stupid

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

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Washington DC, January 15, 2009: At their first regular session, following the general election of 2008, the 112th Congress tries to fix stupid, by drafting the 28th amendment to the US Constitution. The Stupidity Prohibition Act is designed to rid the US voting populace of morons.

Ron White of redneck comedy fame has said "You can't fix stupid." However this statement has not deterred the US Congress from trying. In the early days of the Republic suffrage was only extended to property owners. Since this requirement was dropped the election process involves 100% of the eligible voting age population. Elections generally split 45% for Republicans and 45% for Democrats, with the remaining 10% of independent minded voters determining the elections outcome. (Conservatives and Liberals are mixed within the 90% total.)

Both houses of Congress reasoned that if the no shows, no brains and criminals could be eliminated from the 10% independent voter pool, election outcomes would be much neater. The 28th Amendment disqualifies for voting purposes; actors in TV ads, Rap and Hip Hop stars, college students, fast food restaurant counter personnel, telephone answering service people (in the USA not India, if they exist), Wal-Mart employees (see next category), illegal immigrants, the originators of the "No Child Left Behind Act", Buddhist terrorists, value voters, K Mart shoppers, former governor peanut farmers from Georgia, environmental activists, the morality police and Al Gore.

Rep. Forest Gump (D) of Alabama was the only dissenting vote in the US House of Representatives, he said "Stupid is as stupid does."

Senator Mark Twain (R) of Missouri was the only dissenting vote in the US Senate, he said "Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) stated "that every American has the right to be stupid!"

The newly elected president had "no comment."

The Governors' conference indicated that the 28th Amendment stands no chance of being ratified by ¾ of the states.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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