Yesterday, the Surgeon General, Vice Admiral Richard H. Carmona, officially gave the "thumbs up" to the great American breakfast, consisting of a cigarette and a cup of coffee.
Carmona said that he and his staff, along with previous Surgeon Generals and their staffs have been fighting this American lifestyle for years, but were unable to convince the American public to stop this dangerous lifestyle.
So, Dr. Carmona decided to analyze The Great American Breakfast for himself.
His analysis showed that the synergistic effect of a caffeine and nicotine buzz were exactly what the oppressed American worker of today needs. "Hell", Carmona said, "most of the American workers are going to a job where they are underpaid and over worked. Their boss is usually someone who is on the take, and is about ready to outsource their job to Mexico, China or India at any moment. So, this is about the only thing that can get the average American worker out of bed and off to work every morning."
"Additionally", Carmona noted, "there are usually a couple of grams of carbohydrates in coffee in the form of sugar, either from the direct addition of sugar, or from the addition of sweetened syrup or milk, and the folks who choose that in their coffee have their an extra pleasurable sensation over those who choose to drink their coffee black or with artificial sweetener."