In a surprise move today, Republican Presidential candidate John McCain turned into a large piece of cheese. Federal investigators are already hunting the culprits, and have named 2 of the wanted criminals as Hillary Stilton and Barack Obamascarpone.
Detective Lieutenant Jim Roquefort had this to say from Arizona: 'One minute the Senator was an average politician, that nobody was interested in, the next minute he turned into a massive lump of cheese, with a fake grin like the Cheshire cat's. We are searching for Stilton and Obamascarpone, they are notorious cheesemongers, they should not be approached by the public, as contact with them may lead to lots of corny waving of hands and iffy dentistry.'
Senator McCain now has the cheesiest, most nauseating smile since Ronald Reagan's, and makes Krusty the Klown look sincere, if not Tony Blair, but it's thought he may be too old for a cheesodontal operation. One former President, who was also struck down with cheesitis, is Jimmy 'Osmond' Carter, and he had this to say about Mr McCain: 'Yeah, once you hit our age, cheesy insincerity is often irreversible, let's hope John can be saved from looking like Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz.'
And another politician that has suffered with the embarrassing condition is of course Tony Blair. 'Yeah, groovy, chaps, haha, Cherie begged me to get, um, help, but I can't stop grinning like a sycophantic schoolkid, um, OK.'
But in an ironic twist, some were pointing the finger at former British political leaders Winston Churchill and Edward Heath, for going around looking as if they were living off laughing gas, but this was denied by Mr Churchill himself. 'We shall smirk on the beaches, we shall snigger and chortle in the hills and fields, we shall grin like idiotic apes on the streets, we shall never surrender our pearly-white dentures. For people will say this will be John McCain's finest hour at the dentist's. Never have so many chompers appeared in so many vapid pictures, in an election with so few real policies.'
Senator McCain's teeth are the only man-made object to be seen from the Moon.