HIGH ABOVE THE PACIFIC OCEAN (Spoof International News) George Bush is winging his way to Tokyo for his last G8 Summit meeting. This Spoof reporter was once again (but maybe the last time) given the opportunity to interview our Chief Executive during the flight.
"This is stupid and a pure waste of time," said the President. "I really wanted to spend the weekend in Crawford. Instead I have to go meet this bunch of numbnutz. I told Fukuda that this was our Independence day weekend-but no dice. He wouldn't change the date. I guess his name says it all."
This reporter asked the President what the G8 hoped to accomplish during this final meeting of his second term.
"How did you get on this flight anyway? You know we have a brig on-board. Otherwise known as 'Laura Bush's bedroom' (laughs). But anyway, I just told you. Nothing. I expect nothing to get accomplished. Lots of talk about the price of oil, of course. The American People know I've done all I can about that. I guess the next Prez can figure it all out. Good Luck to him. Or her. Oh wait! (laughs again) Guess 'Hil' couldn't cut the mustard. Oh well. She's better off anyway.
"But to maybe answer your question…there will be a couple of meetings where we all sit around a big table and look at each other…we all speak different lingo, you know. Except me and Gordon. The 'PM' (Bush takes a snooty, effete tone) as he likes to be called. That Bastard needs a boot up his ass."
This reporter asked the President if he had his own agenda going in to the meeting.
"Look. Didn't I just say this was nothing but a big circle-jerk? Lots of meetings and photo ops and lame questions about the price of oil, about which I've done all I can do; the War in Iraq, blah blah blah, the supposed recession back stateside, and like…the world food crisis and other so-called issues. Global warming and whatever.
"Remember those old TV westerns where the Marshal or Sheriff would get all frustrated because the townsfolk were dumb and all that? And then he'd tear off his badge? Or tin-star or whatever? Well I'm doing that. (Gestures to remove 'badge' from his chest and then slaps it on the table). You be President. I'm tired and I'm hittin' the sack. Now goodnight Mr. President."
"I hope Laura's in the mood," I thought I heard him say as he stumbled towards his quarters on Air Force 1.