Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: Sex, Penis, Viagra, watermelon

Saturday, 5 July 2008

image for Watermelon is the poor man's Viagra turning your ED Wilbur Willie into Mr. Ed
Seedless Watermelon for uncommitted types or confirmed bachelors; Honeydew for coddlers

Washington, DC - Convinced that a man having to suffer ED was just as unbearable and unnecessary as a child having to suffer from ADD, a small group of scientists dedicated themselves to finding a cheaper and equally effective alternative to the chemically based clinically proven effective, Viagra. Late last month those dedicated men of science announced an astonishing breakthrough, concluding that eating watermelon will just as easily turn your ED suffering Wilbur Willie into a Mr. Ed.

"Who knew?" said Oskar Myers, chief clinical scientist for "Search for a Cheaper Cure". "It turns out that eating a watermelon a day makes you hung like a horse. Of course, there are some side effects."

Should you experience an erection lasting longer than four hours, Myers advises that you call up all your old girlfriends and invite them over to a poolside party and then attempt to seduce them into a full-blown orgy where you are the porn star.

"Do it tastefully though," cautions Myers. "Try just exposing them to your profile at first, standing behind a silkscreen partition, casting only your silhouette. Use defused soft lighting. Stay away from a strobe light. Otherwise, you may frighten them off with the special effects. After all, as it is they will be experiencing enough mixed emotions when they get a peek of the size of your newly enhanced manhood. Besides it builds up intrigue and suspense and that still counts as foreplay."

Myers cautions eating too much watermelon may result in wanting to sow your wild oats into a furrowed field just because it is there and you can.

"Let face it," said Myers. "Unless you're suffering from a severe medical condition, trying to fake being straight to your girlfriend or wife, eating watermelon just to get to an extra slice of American pie is for old coots. The last thing your woman needs is you hot-dogging her more than you already do for sex."

Although not a licensed marriage counselor, Myers recommends that males slow it down on and off the playing field.

However, should you persist in enhancing your love life, Myers recommends going with certain verities of watermelons over others, as not all watermelons produce the same desired effects on everyone.

"Just like a trip to any gym or pool shower room proves," said Meyers. "Not all men are created equal. So you have to select the watermelon that is right for you."

For you uncommitted types or confirmed bachelors, Myers suggests that you go with a Seedless Watermelon rather than a Honeydew variety.

"If you're not the cuddly, talkative type after sex - and let's face it, what man is - then I'd stay away from the Honeydew," said Myers. "It releases guilt inducing pheromones, causing you to stay talking afterwards, longer than you normally would. Sometimes up to a full minute just after having sex."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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