July 4, 2008 - The GOP has introduced a new man for Republican presidential candidate, Mr. Robert Gabriel Mugabe of Zimbabwe.
"Although Mr. Mugabe is a person of color, black as the ace-of-spades, we feel that he will be an excellent leader of our great country", said the press agent, adding, "Senator McCain didn't test well in blackface so we decided to go with the real thing."
Mr. Mugabe's beliefs are in harmony with that of the Republican party. The example given was from a speech in August 1995: "...What we are being persuaded to accept is sub-animal behaviour and we will never allow it here. If you see people parading themselves as lesbians and gays, arrest them and hand them over to the police!"
Mr. Mugabe also has alleged experience in strong-arming opponents, vote-rigging and reducing personal freedoms in the name of national security. All good skills for a Republican president.
When asked about Mr. Mugabe's non-American birthplace and his ineligibility to be president, the spokesman said, "That's a minor Constitutional hurdle to be removed by the current administration."