Under sullen skies, at high noon, a press conference-cum-memorial ceremony was being conducted on the steps of the Van Wert City Hall to address the investigation surrounding the serial killer and to honor the latest victim. Meanwhile, three miles away, the coffin of that victim was being wheeled out of Our Lady of Four Roses Cathedral and placed in an ivory hearse.
Back at City Hall, Chief Horatio Kellogg revealed that there had been no new leads over the past twenty-four hours regarding the identity of the serial killer. Interrupted Mayor C.B. Post, "Nevertheless, I have instructed the Chief to leave no stone unturned. Anyone who would beat an innocent being with an innocuous kitchen utensil and then drown that victim in a vat of milk is Evil Incarnate and must be stopped at all costs."
As the ceremonies were winding down, the funeral cortege was wending its way to the Sancta Sanctorum Cemetery. By the time, Mary K. Quaker sung the last notes of "On Eagle's Wing," Froot Loops, the serial killer's latest victim, was laid to rest in a common grave beside Special K, Cheerios, and Frosted Mini-Wheats.