The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has determined that Middle-Eastern terrorist and other terrorist organizations are acquiring intelligence through secret codes written by spoof writer NickFun on the popular web site TheSpoof.com.
"We have been reading Fun's stories and have determined that he has sensitive knowledge of Korean nuclear technology, mobile radar installations in Germany and knows about weapons of mass destruction in Iran", said Defense Secretary Robert Gates.
Gates pointed out that scientists have decoded the humorous story of Jenna Bush's first orgasm as secretly revealing sensitive data about an underground arms bunker in Tehran. Gates would not reveal the method used to extrapolate the data from the story.
NickFun denied the allegations. "I don't know anything about 36.175ºN 115.136ºW or defense motive c1347623!" Fun declared from his office and hour north of Los Angeles. "And I haven't a clue that forces are dominating from the west green!"
Gates was adamant that his scientists had decoded the work properly. "You see? Even the story he's writing now is chock full of sensitive military data!"
Gates says he will have military police arrest Fun, throw him in Guantanamo Bay Prison and torture him until he fully reveals his knowledge.
"I don't know how he knows these things but that story about President Bush admitting to masturbating was no accident!" Gates claimed. "And don't tell ME the FCC has removed piss and tits from the list of banned words!"