Written by Ed Miller
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Topics: George W. Bush

Friday, 4 July 2008

image for Bush Plans to "Youthanize" America
"Even at age 60, there are still things to learn in a classroom."

This week, President Bush announced a new policy for his remaining months in office.

"One of the big criticizations of my administration has been the number of old folks holding office," explained the President. "So I plan to bring in some new blood into politics. I call it "youthanizing" America."

President Bush claims that this idea came to him as he visited a grade school in Missouri and was impressed with the overall intelligence of the students.

The president visited St. Joseph's Catholic Grade School in Freeburg, Missouri, last week, during the fourth grade class's annual spelling bee. To show the students the importance of education, the President decided to join the bee.

"I wanted the kids to be notificationed that learning goodly spelling and grammar is of big-time priority to someone with my job," said Bush. "I said, 'No child left behind,' not 'No child destroyed in spelling.'"

The President made it to the final round against the fourth grade class, when he received the word "pretzel." The president spelled it "presstell." The fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Hiliary Gore, informed the President that he was incorrect. Student Dan Quail then proceeded to spell the word correctly.

Astounded, President Bush argued with the child on national television until Quail began to cry.

"Got to toughen 'em up, you know. We'll need these guys in Iraq in 10 years."

When Mrs. Gore settled the dispute calling Quail the winner, Bush protested calling for a recount.

After the matter, Bush said that even at age 60, there are still things to learn in a classroom.

"I was so impressified by this young man's spelling ableness, that I appointed him Secretary of Defense."

Vice-president Cheney is still not convinced the President lost. He suspects a possible conspiracy put together by the fourth grade class and has taken Mrs. Gore to Guantanemo Bay for further questioning.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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