Dirty Central, Alabama - The Deputy Sheriff, Sergeant Piggers, has said a giant fire has amassed near a slew of mobile home trailers at 8pm, endangering every concerned property owner in the area.
"These ignorant damned pack-rats care more about their selfish greedy selves then the materialistic goods inside their homes! What complete fuck-tards! Who goes around complaining young Jimmy is locked in a closet ready to die in the flames when you have precious silverware and pots needing rescue? These people are fucking hicks in this damned hell hole!"
The fire reportedly has incinerated one lucky home owner's crap-shack; most of the family escaped except the old hag grandma.
"Mommy, I want Daddy Number 3!" was all that Candy's third child, Bobby's could say after the initial flames sparked and left the blessed child's grandmother inside.
"You better get one of those damned firemen into to that fucking trailer this instant! That's my mother in there you baboon ass face!" yelled the obviously high whore named "Candy".
The firemen opened some beers around 8:15 pm after the mother of the seven children (all with different fathers), Candy, yelled those blasted abhorrent statements and gathered around for what they called "camp fire story time." The firemen proceeded to tell ghost stories while imbedding themselves in alcohol as the fire raged on demolishing the slut's home.
"This is complete bullshit; this stupid whore is complaining her old hag of a mother is inside and she wants one of us to go fetch her-what the hell does she think me and my fucking men are here for? My men are here for the fire and they are having a great type drinking and laughing; and I am here for the goods inside. Now if she wants me to go rescue some TV's or something of actual value count me in-but for now I don't give a damn." Sergeant Piggers protested. "I'm here to protect people's one actual value in life: money. If this stupid damn whore doesn't want us to go salvage her materialistic goods then she can go rot in hell with those other fucking loon bags."
"Fuck you and all those damned fucking firemen you have sitting in my yard partying like some fucking football game is on. This is a fire, a FIRE, not some damn parade to stare at you douche-bags. Get you fucking men in the damned trailer and rescue my mother!" The bullshitting between the two shit heads Candy and Sergeant Piggy continued for another 15 minutes until the crap-shack finally blew up into a cloud resembling a mushroom after a nuclear explosion. "It….it was like a bomb went off mommy!" screamed Candy's youngest son, Patrick's. The old hag reportedly escaped moments before the whole thing blew and is rumored to be wandering the streets nearby.
"I, I just want my Daddy; Daddy Number 5-he'll give us a new home; he has plenty of space at that playboy mansion of his" muttered the youngest child of Candy's.