Written by Jean Le Fete
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Friday, 4 July 2008

image for United Airlines Announces Half Fares for Half Flights!
United Passengers being dropped over Des Moine Iowa!

Friendly Skies, UT - Innovation in times of higher fuel prices are the only way airlines are staying afloat. However United Airlines may have crossed the line in its latest attempt to shave and save money.

Its new Half Fare/Half Flight campaign has brought total confusion to their customer base. On a maiden "Half Flight" from New York to San Francisco, passengers purchasing the Half Fare tickets were shocked to learn they were expected to parachute out over Des Moine, Iowa, where flood waters are just now receding.

"I couldn't believe it!," said one passenger, "They gave out snacks, they were half bags of peanuts and plastic shot cups for drinks. I asked for more and was told I'd have to pay an additional $10!"

"I landed in a field with a bull," said another passenger, "The parachute was blood red and the bloody animal chased me all over!"

"My luggage?" asked one passenger, "Has anyone seen my luggage?" Bags for most passenger were dropped without parachutes. Several landed on Interstate 80, causing two semi trucks to turnover as they steered to avoid the clothing strewn pavement. Pets were given their own parachutes, but of course nobody knows where they landed.

United claims to be rethinking the new campaign and issued the following statement, "We apologize for any confusion over the new policy of "Half fares" we of course care deeply about the safety of our passengers, but once they leave the aircraft they are on their own."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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