In a surprise move, the Queen's husband Prince Philip entered the US Presidential election today, as an independent candidate.
When asked why was doing such a thing, he said 'Well, the fools can only spell X, so they may as well spell it for me, though they can't even spell X in Florida.' And when asked what his policies were, he added: 'How should I bloody well know? The only policies American Presidents ever have are no policies at all, and waving and grinning like a baboon, shooting animals, and playing sports like golf and polo. I was doing all those things before John McCain was born.'
Some were surprised at the Duke of Edinburgh's decision, as being American President requires diplomacy, intelligence and tact, and a firm grasp of domestic and world politics. Speaking from his shack in Texas, current President George W Bush said: 'Hell, ain't Prince Phillipino married to a queen? That Duke of Wellington sure sounds like a weird guy.' And Republican candidate John McCain also said: 'I'll wipe the floor with that Limey jerk, for fighting a war without getting captured - what a sucker!'
Prince Philip's wife, Queen Elizabeth the Second, had this to say about the surprise announcement: 'We hope our husband will become 44th President of the United States of America, and then we can get a decent cup of tea in Washington again. But if he wins, we don't want that pet chimpanzee that stays there, we'll have to put it into an animal sanctuary.' And the Prince himself said: 'At least with me you'll get someone who can speak English properly, don't they have schools in America?' And about Democrat candidate Barack Obama, he added: 'Shouldn't he be out in the fields, picking cotton?'
Shares in Anglo-American conglomerate GAF were up 78 points at the news.