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Topics: Environment, suicide

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

image for Environmental Suicide

Crazy Woman Creek CO, July 5, 2076: Republicans and Democrats began emerging from their hiding places in Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas and elsewhere.

The USA will have a political, social and economic rebirth on this 300th anniversary of its founding, now that all the crazy environmentalists are gone. In the last 40 years Congress has been made up of two parties, the Sierra Club party and the Green Peace party. Jim Jones Jr. was elected as President of the USA. Mr. Jones was the former chairman of the Sierra Club and grandson of the founder of Jonestown Guyana.

In 2072 the Congress, with President Jones help, managed to get the 38th Amendment to the United States Constitution passed, which prohibited pollution of any kind in the USA. The Elliot Ness pollution police were formed to enforce this amendment, including cracking down on Sunday family BBQs and Girl Scout's roasting marshmallows.

Additionally, the amendment specified that if pristine conditions could not be restored to places like Newark NJ, Detroit MI, Los Angeles CA and Washington DC by 2076, all environmentalists and the general populace would commit suicide. (Groups like People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) would also participate.) Drinking cool-aid laced with Cyanide was the preferred method of choice, but the Supreme Court ruled that other methods were acceptable! This final act of contrition would get rid of the human perpetrator of pollution, at least in the USA, allowing "the buffalo to roam and the deer and the antelope to play."

Alas, small groups of Tom Clancy disciples who believed "the US Constitution was not a suicide pact" went into hiding!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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