Beijing - Chinese officials announced today the runaway success of the Chinese economy initiated under Deng Xiaoping's regime by opening doors to the west was secretly based on weakening the historically strong US can-do attitude by flooding America with cheap rice based Buddha Beer or as it is known in the United States, Bud and Bud Lite.
Official Chinese spokesman C.Y. WeeSmaat spoke at a press conference from the forbidden city, "Merica only brame self for drinky-drinky."
The statement has stunned Americans who for years have believed US commentator Lou Dobbs' accusation that China has been outdistancing the US economy through unfair competition due to non-unionized labour, low wages, poor working conditions and human rights violations.
"Pran fair-pray. Engrish try same pran on China with opium hunred years agro so we do same to Uniteds State with beers.'
"Pran velly simple. China make much beers and sell seep to weaken will and competition spirit. Beers not has to be good rong as weathers and commercial prostitute lady both hot."
"Pran too good. US workers reave factory alla time to cook in parking rots before big game evry reekend. China inrest in red paint factries while Merica spend all moneys overpay high school drop-out to pray sport for telerision beers drinker."
Long-time reporters stationed in China say the plan was hatched by Chinese monks much earlier than the Deng regime and was not economically based. Under this plan once Americans had turned to drink and lost their competitive spirit the Chinese planned on replacing the poster girls for Bud and Bud Lite with the calming countenance of Buddha as the start of a fast track to convert Americans to Buddhism.
Both reports seem to have some truth to them.
WeeSmaat concluded his press conference by saying "Merica no work hards like China anymores, have big Buddha bellys . . . now just like beers, piece of ass and a hot dog."
"Nex, China kick Merica's Lympic butt."