Washington, DC - Republican Presidential candidate John Sidney McCain the 3rd revealed his most innovative tax cut plan ever in a Newsweek story published today.
"Don't pay!" said McCain, "That's what I do, and it works!"
The McCain plan, as described in Newsweek, goes like this:
Year 1: When property taxes come due, don't pay. "What are they gonna do?" said McCain, "Take a United States Senator to court? Heh-heh!"
Year 2: Continue to ignore your property tax bill, but don't be wasteful. "Invest the money you save from not paying your property taxes," McCain advised. "Be prudent. Diversify your assets. Local officials may be inexpensive, but it's often better to contribute to campaigns for higher office."
Year 3: Keep on ignoring your property tax bills. "Some people are tempted to quit while they're ahead," noted McCain, "Especially if they're planning to run for public office. Some people would want to fix things up so they doesn't become an issue. But I don't do that sort of thing; as long as I am best friends with the media, they'll never turn on me."
Year 4: Take another year of ignoring those pesky tax bills. "Remember, California will not put your property up for tax auction until you're five years late," chuckled McCain. "You can pay on the very last day and you're home free. And I mean literally free; let those law-abiding schmucks who work for a living cover your police, fire and other services!"
Year 5: At this point, if you're running for public office and it looks like your opponent stands a chance, the media may seek to hedge it bets by reporting on your tax dodging. "Be ready to pay up when the story comes out," says McCain, "But you've profited from the use of your money, and that's what counts. Well, there's also the thrill of getting away with ignoring the law. What's the point of being an rich Senator if you have to obey the laws you make for the little people to follow?"
What's next, now that Newsweek has printed McCain's tax cut secret?
"I'm selling a book describing my method, which I call 'Tax FReedom Against Untimely Demands'", said McCain, "Remember: Tax FR.A.U.D. works!"