Written by Andley Blakerew
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Topics: Driving, New York

Tuesday, 18 May 2004

image for Crazed Clown Car Chase (National Alliteration Championships soon)
Stinko (left) and Sensible John (right)

A crazed clown was spotted driving down a major New York highway in an exploding stunt car at noon today. The clown later revealed to be local legend, Stinko the Clown, put his floppy shoed foot to the pedal, which in turn was put to the metal in perhaps the most dangerous car chase in recent history.

"Stinko, now there's a clown for you" Stinko's manager, Larry McIntyre, pointed out the obvious, "He's a legend that guy. But lately he's lost faith in the whole clown thing"

With declining audiences attending his shows, Stinko lapsed into depression fuelled by his abuse of drugs, alcohol and helium. A recent survey showed that modern audiences no longer care for the tomfoolery and shenanigans that the circus most certainly promises. "All your little snot-nosed kids of today, their demands are too much, we got kids wanting balloons shaped like animals we ain't ever heard of" Stinko'swork partner, John the Sensible Clown, told me, "I mean what the hell is the difference between a gibbon and a monkey?" John asked in desperation.

Stinko's decline escalated in a cross state car chase today. Stinko, who had previously worked as a mechanic, had tuned up his stunt car so that it can travel at speeds of up to 100 mph. The police followed apprehensively as the drunken clown sped across the state and swerved dangerously across the freeway. Unsure of when the car would explode (as it is designed to do) and where Stinko was heading, the police set up roadblock to trap the insane jester.

It is this reporter's sad duty, to tell the nation that Stinko the Clown, much beloved by young and old, is no more. Moments before hitting the blockade of police cars, Stinko initiated the car's ejector seat and launched himself senselessly into an overhead electricity cable. He was killed instantly, leaving behind only a charred wig.

The World Clown Committee is currently organising a tribute show in memory of Stinko, which will be coming to a town near you in the summer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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