Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Saturday, 28 June 2008

image for "Iron Man" Dick Cheney Crashes Nelson Mandela's 90th Birthday Party
"Iron Man" Dick Cheney Crashes Nelson Mandela's 90th Birthday Party, attempting to arrest him for terrorism

Johannesburg, South Africa - After charging up his "Iron Man' suit compete with the mystical Asgardian crystal on his chest, deep within the secret underground catacombs of a chicken coop on Bush's Texas ranch…Kbooom!* Suddenly, Dick Cheney flew the coop, leaving a stream of almost invisible vapor trails and an unmistakable pile of debris of wooden splinters and chicken feathers behind him as he ascended into the night sky.

High above the Gulf of Mexico, as he prepares to go supersonic and break the sound barrier, Cheney optically entered his destination into the HUD onboard navigational computer: South Africa.

"We knew he would try something like this," said a spokesman for Marvel. "That's why we retained a South African lawyer to protect our interests."

Apparently, a mole had tipped off Marvel that Dick Cheney had been secretly building his own "Iron Man" suit to take care of some unfinished business before he leaves office.

"Our mole told us that even Cheney was given an invitation to attend Mandela's birthday party," said Marvel. "Which only outraged him because he considered Mandela a terrorist for his opposition to Apartheid."

Meanwhile, crossing the Atlantic Ocean, Cheney tuned into the televised broadcast of Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday celebration to get a fix on his location. Grinding his teeth as he watched, he accelerated to twice the speed of sound.

According to Marvel's mole, Cheney first tried a chemical concoction to turn him into the "Incredible Hulk" but that did not workout so well.

"So we figured 'Iron Man' was his obvious choice," said a spokesman for Marvel. "And we were right."

Reaching the African continent, circling the stadium celebration, scanning the stage for Nelson Mandela, people below began to notice something above them in the sky.

"I thought it was a skyrocket that failed to explode," said Marquis Tangelie, partygoer. "Until it landed on the stage. Right there before my eyes, grabbing Mandela."

Before a terrified audience of thousands and millions of viewers at home, Cheney in his "Iron Man" suit had Mandela in his mechanical cloches.

"I have you now," said Cheney. "I'm putting you where you belong before we close it down. Tell me Mandela. Do you like Cuban food?"

Just then, a process server crossed the stage and handed Cheney with a cease and desist order; retraining him from infringing on internationally protected intellectual property rights any further.

As Cheney read the order, witnesses say that his Asgardian crystal began to flicker. Gently he put Mandela down on the ground.

Then while turning side-to-side, looking at the partygoers on stage, which were all slowly lifting their chairs over their heads ready to throw them at Cheney, Nelson Mandela spoke.

"Everybody, put your chairs down," said Mandela. "There is no need for aggression here. My good friend Stan Lee and the American people finally fed up with the Bush administration's bumbling of its foreign and domestic policy has taken care of it."

Then turning to address Cheney, who towered above him in his "Iron Man" suit, Mandela spoke directly to him.

"We will not see you or any of your Neocon kind around here anymore. Will we Mr. Cheney," said Mandela.

With that, Cheney took off the "Iron Man" suit and facemask as partygoers let out a collective gasp.

Quickly South African police rushed the stage as Cheney repeatedly yelled out over and over again that he had diplomatic immunity.

"He was right about that so all we could do was escort him to the Johannesburg International airport and put him on a flight back to D.C. -- Washington D.C. that is," said a Johannesburg police officer.

*Obviously, the third "o" is silent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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