Written by Panndyra
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Topics: John Kerry, Jewish

Tuesday, 18 May 2004

image for Bush Garners Jewish Support - Kerry announces African-American Ancestry
Do you think the Mafia will support me if I go Italian?

President Bush achieved a coup over Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry, or John K. Kohn when he received support from a Jewish lobbying group.

As Bush said, "I support any group that fights terrorism even if it uses terrorist tactics. I believe in an Eye for an Eye so long as it's not my eye. I'm glad to have the support of the Jews in my fight to win the Oval Office for four more years. Go Gaza!!!"

When asked if he thought that Kerry would retaliate, he replied, "Who cares? I mean the guy announces he's Jewish. It's a great ploy. I mean if I could think, I would've done it myself. I didn't need to resort to tricks or emotional manipulation to get Jewish support. Na na na na na. Oh yeah and my wife is hotter than yours is."

A source close to the Kerry campaign announced, "What the hell do we have to do to catch a break? We dug up Jewish ancestors for crissakes. That's it, he's black. Oh! I mean African-American. Call Chez Dred-lock Salon. Kerry's getting an afro and a dashiki and he's changing his stance on affirmative action. Oh he already supports it. Yeah right!"

Off the record, the gentleman said, "It's not a good sign. I mean, Jewish support was strong for Gore. I know that may have had something to do with Lieberman, but still. They voted democrat in the last election. I mean if they don't support someone with Jewish roots even, what can we do? We can't make him more Jewish that just wouldn't be believable, would it? Is Teresa Jewish?"

He mumbled, "We just don't have enough time to manufacture our mind-altering chips in Heinz ketchup like the Brain did in episode 612 of Pinky and The Brain. We may not be able to take over the free world."

Then, he asked me what I wanted to do tomorrow night.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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