In a speech today, Senator Barack Obama claimed that he didn't 'hate that ugly poisonous piece of bloodsucking trash Hillary Hitler Clinton', to make peace with his former rival.
Doing his usual JFK impersonation of waving and smiling, Mr Obama said: 'I couldn't help sneering at her and calling her one of the best Senators in New York history, yeah about the 8th best one, why does this vampire hound me?' And taking a bite of raw garlic, he added: 'She is unbelievably evil and disgusting, that's why I'm making you all laugh by saying this, where is Vincent Price when you need him?'
But Mrs 'Miss' Clinton had only this to say about Mr Obama: 'Hey, if he becomes President I'll divorce Bill and marry Barack in seconds, that's what my career is, living off Presidents. Put that silver cross away, will ya?'
Many have suggested that Hillary Clinton is a form of political parasite, that lives off men and then tries to destroy them, but former President Billary Clinton denied this: 'I can't say anything, Hillary is asleep in the crypt right now til sundown, with any luck Buffy the Comedy Slayer will take care of this, so I'm off to a bar to wait for this story to be copied by the management, yet again.'
Vladimir the Impaler is 912 today.