Written by PP Rega
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Thursday, 26 June 2008

image for Riot at Hot Dog Eating Contest
I luf zee hot dawg!!!

Riverdale, The Bronx: A near-riot broke out at the Hebrew National Kosher Hot Dog Eating Contest when local favorite, Constantine Thessalonikos, was disqualified after apparently winning first prize for eating 72 frankfurters in 15 minutes.

According to witnesses, Thessalonikos was in the middle of shoving # 32 into his mouth when he suddenly collapsed. Apparently, his relatives, anxious for him to win the $1000 first-place prize and a round-trip cruise to Staten Island, kept Thessalonikos from the view of the judges and began ramming the remaining hot dogs down his throat with the assistance of a plumber's helper.

The judges, Naomi Campbell, Tony Bennett, and Lee Iacocca, became suspicious when Thessalonikos failed to rise to accept his trophy, looking a touch cyanotic, and with partially-digested Hebrew Nationals protruding from his umbilicus. It was then that he was disqualified and runner-up, movie-maker Woody Allen, was deemed to be the actual winner having eaten 43 hot dogs within the time limit.

It was the awarding of first place to Allen that touched off the riot. Thirty-six spectators, smelling of sauerkraut and mustard, were sent to the hospital as sixteen cartons of hot dogs were seen floating down the Hudson River.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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