They're back! Like Jack kicking the giant out of the beanstalk, Saddam Hussein kicked out four giants - Exxon Mobil, Shell, Total and British Petroleum - after nationalizing Iraq's oil in 1972. Thirty-six years later, with the aid of the U.S. military, the death of thousands, and at a cost of trillions, the four giants - Exxon Mobil, Shell, Total and BP - are back in Iraq with a no-bid contract and the Bush mission is finally accomplished!
Who knew that oil was the real weapon of mass destruction? And when Republican presidential nominee McCain says that the U.S. might be in Iraq for one hundred years, the old man ain't kidding. How else could the four giants be protected from another Saddam Hussein coming along and messing up their oil field windfall fiesta tea party?
One hundred years guarding petroleum fields? Not so fast. In a political ad televised through MoveOn.org, a mother speaks about her six month old son, Alex, sitting on her lap, and says, "John McCain, you plan to stay in Iraq for one hundred years? Well, you can't have Alex."
Not to worry. The Japanese are coming out with a car powered by water! It's called the H2O car; Jamie Lee Curtis has one; she's a good friend of Governor Schwarzenegger; he's married to a Kennedy; the H2O car will make oil obsolete!
Things are looking pretty grim for Senator McCain: can't get Obama to any town hall snooze-ins McCain finds more cozy than debates before gang busters news commentators like David Schuster; the McCain Sex Tape, (reported in the Spoof) is being given away at gas stations and given back; McCain voted against levee reconstruction and the whole country is flooding. Rumor has it that McCain might start piloting his own jet and parachute down to his town hall meetings in an attempt to erase the age issue. Hopefully, he won't miss his target and come down through the chimney, wearing a red suit, maybe?
That would be as disingenuous as his predicted one hundred year war in Iraq guarding the four giants: Exxon Mobil, Shell, Total and BP.
Besides, the H2O car is coming.
And Jingle Bells are here again...