London England -- Most Americans are surprised to learn that there is a July 4th in Great Britain and it is celebrated with the greatest of joy and ecstasy. It is even more popular than Christmas. Britons celebrate the day thirteen retarded, disgusting, hopeless colonies finally broke away from the Motherland.
"We love the day. It's the day you bloody wankers stopped draining our money and resources, now piss off!" said a passerby in London to this American reporter.
British scholars recently uncovered IQ tests from the Founding Fathers. All of them scored below 50 points. Scholars also discovered the Declaration of Independence was written by a drunken British sailor playing a trick with his mates. Some Americans still think the ideals in the declaration are worth dying for.
Modern historians show the Crown was eager to dump the dirty colonies, much the same way someone flushes a toilet.
"King George couldn't wait to get rid of that filthy cesspool. All of you Americans are blooming morons." said Prince Charles.
British children are taught the American colonies were a dumping ground for criminals, pedophiles and weirdos. They are taught George Washington was a junkie and a transsexual.
"Can you deny you've changed since 1776?? Of course you can't!" said the Prince. "I hope bin Laden nukes the lot of you, you bloody freaks!"