Long Beach, California - A shocking discovery was made at an oil refinery in Long Beach when oil workers opened up a barrel of crude oil for processing and discovered it was full of monkeys instead. As a result, the oil refinery had to be shutdown immediately for maintenance as oil refinery workers had to stop refining oil and chase the monkeys around instead, trying to get them back into the barrel from which they came.
"Unfortunately we had to shut down the refinery to attend to this monkey business," said John Dickson, oil refinery foremen. "If we don't, those little critters get processed along with the crude and lower the octane level."
According to a spokesman for the oil refinery, such an occurrence is not at all that rare and happens more frequently than one would think, only not always with monkeys.
"You'd be surprised what we find in these barrels sometimes," said Dickson. "We find all kinds of things in them. Just the week before last, we found Bush's entire energy policy all shredded up inside."
Concerned that the documents were important to the President, Dickson contacted the White House to notify them that he found.
"They told me that, that's exactly where it belonged," said Dickson. "They said that's were Bush put and to leave right there. I tried to tell them that it would lower the octane level of the gasoline but they just didn't care and hung up the phone on me."
Later, Dickson said he did not agree with the President's decision to place the entire nation's energy policy in a barrel of oil and felt it would have been wiser to find a safer place for it.
Of course, shortly thereafter, the refinery had to be shutdown for maintenance.