Written by Joe Leary
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Monday, 17 May 2004

image for Ronald McDonald whacks Wendy
McDonald being arrested for Wendy's murder

San Diego - In a bizarre story like a plot right out of a Soprano's episode, Ronald McDonald was arrested today for the murder of Wendy from Wendy's. Wendy's body was found by an employee opening the store yesterday morning. It appears her head was dipped in the deep fryer and then made up like a spicy chicken sandwich. She was left under the heat lamps with her head wrapped in sandwich foil.

At first, investigators believed that this was another hit in the escalating "Burger Wars." Last month Burger King was found char-grilled in the back of one of his restaurants. The fast food burger industry has become increasingly competitive since the Atkins diet craze took off. It first started out with a mud slinging ad campaign where Burger King was calling Wendy a slut, and Wendy had ads accusing Ronald McDonald of laundering money from his Ronald McDonald house to cover for a heavy gambling problem.

Now, authorities are starting to believe this was a crime of passion. It turns out that Ronald McDonald and Wendy were having an affair and were contemplating a merger. Apparently, Wendy had called off the affair and the merger, but McDonald wanted to meet with her one more time to talk her out of it. Police believe his violent temper got the best of him, and a struggle ensued. Wendy was killed in the struggle, and Ronald McDonald tried to make it look like a robbery gone bad.

The authorities could not reveal all the details because of the ongoing investigation, but they did say that they found red curly hairs behind the fryer, which of course could be Wendy's. However, they found special sauce in Wendy during the autopsy and they arrested Ronald McDonald soon after.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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