George Bush unveiled plans in a White House press conference today to send "The Ducks" into Iraq. He was not, of course, referring to the hockey team - that would be silly - but rather the Asian Duck Corps prided for their efficiency and annihilatory capabilities.
The move, branded as "quackers" by some quarters, follows the recent withdrawal of a plethora of international forces from Iraq. Despite Tony Blair confirming his determination to "stand shoulder-to-shoulder" with Bush, it has become increasingly apparent that additional troops would be needed to ensure peace in the war-torn country. The "Mighty Ducks'" deployment has been made all the more germane by heightened anti-U.S. sentiment following a string of prisoner abuse allegations.
The Asian Ducks Corps are notoriously efficient at wiping out locust plagues in south-central China and southern Russia. It appears as if the U.S. Military, given the President's orders, has tried to transmute these legendary attributes by arming them "to the bills" with machine guns, grenades and rocket launchers.
The infamous beasts have reportedly received 24 hours of crammed weapons training, although a number tragically died when a duck called Donald, known for his incompetence, accidentally let rip with an M-16. Huey, Dewey and Louie are still in a state of shock.
When questioned further, the U.S. President's reaction to cries of "lunacy" was calm and assured. He went on to explain,
"The label on the box said, ‘Kills devouring hordes fast'. My brain-computerization was that this would be applying to terrorisms in Iraq too. So there."
It seems that the U.S. President's commonsense approach has invoked similar moves from Kentucky Fried Chicken who, not a company to let ducks get all the glory, have mobilised the Chicken Reserves under Commander Cock.