In an astonishing, rambling announcement tonight, Senator John McCain shocked even some of his closest advisers when he announced his choice of running-mate: The late Charlton Heston.
"My Friends," his prepared text said, "this is the perfect time for those 'cold, dead hands' to exert their influence on the body politic. My Friends, the late Charlton Heston was a friend of mine, and I am certain he will serve this country well even should the need arise for him to assume the highest office."
A senior McCain adviser, granted anonymity because we are The New York Times, said that Heston was McCain's second choice. According to this source, it took four McCain confidants, and two days of debate, to persuade the Senator was that Strom Thurmond was simply too old, his views outdated. Another senior adviser to Senator McCain told The Times that "the clincher was Strom's Black daughter. She is illegitimate as well, you know."