The United States of America was today attacked by thousands of satirists.
Speaking from the White House, an autocue reader said: 'It'll be sunny with showers later on, and thousands of New Orleans people will be losing their homes.'
But the leader of the anti-satirical army, Vice-Lieutenant-Colonel D Day Lewouis said: 'There is now a war on satire, and we intend to win it. OK, we'll lose it, but at least we can make hundreds of movies about winning it.' And another tough American soldier, briefly pausing from accidentally shooting his own soldiers, added: 'Satire is an abomination and an apocalypse, and if you don't take America seriously then we'll stop sending you money. And stop laughing!'
Americans almost invented satire in modern times, with such geniuses as Mark Twain, but now the poor country has become permanently under attack from satirists across the world - apart from Americans, of course, as they haven't yet learnt the art of laughing at themselves.
There will be an Oprah Winfrey special later this week, when lots of unemployed people can shout against satirists and wave stars and stripes flags. Jerry Springer is English.