Written by Chuck Barber
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Topics: Americans, Research

Monday, 17 May 2004

image for Americans Prefer Laughing Hyena to Kerry; Bush
President Hyena

A new Zogby Research poll released Sunday night shows that by a 55 - 45 margin Americans prefer a laughing hyena to John Kerry, but that by a 65 - 35 margin those same voters prefer Kerry to Bush. When matched against a laughing hyena the hyena leads Bush 82 - 18.

Unfortunately for both candidates it did not seem to matter which hyena opposed them. Randy a very popular hyena from the Cincinnati Zoo out polled Kerry 70 - 30 and Bush 90 - 10, while even Louie the hyena, from Seattle, who has eaten three young children who accidentally fell into his enclosure out polled them both by a 52-48 margin. This was true even when pollsters told those questioned that Louie was a crazed baby killer who often leaps at young zoo visitors.

Informed of the poll results before the release the Kerry camp dismissed it as just another poll at a time when people are still not focused fully on the election. The Bush team simply responded "Grrrrrrrrrrrr!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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