Written by kungfuiceskater
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Topics: Women, dating

Monday, 17 May 2004

image for Sex: A Keynesian Analysis; An Urgent Manifesto For Men Who Are Frequently Told: "Not Tonight Honey"
Move over Viagra

In a world where there is an equal number of men and women, and, by definition, the same numbers of men and women have sex, why is it that woman can charge for sex and men can't (generally speaking)? Why is it that in the dating game, men tend to get the short end of the stick financially? Why can women make lifetime careers of seeking out, dating, marrying and promptly divorcing wealthy men? (Then screaming the inevitable, "half!!!") Why do blues singers, constantly lament about how their girlfriends left them for their mentally retarded but ultra wealthy step-brothers? And how in the world can lesbians survive all those years without the great one-eyed wonder?

After spending years and years studying stochastic econometrics / GDP prediction models for the G8, while simultaneously investigating the impact of the Brazilian trade deficit on inhabitants of the Amazon, KungFu IceSkater accidentally stumbled on the magic answer. The thing above all others, most responsible for destroying male negotiating leverage in the sex game is the hormone testosterone.

Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade all the testosterone induced touchdowns, beer fights, shouting matches and bench presses for anything in the world but there is a way that we can use testosterone to regain our equal status in the sexual negotiations game; screw Viagra, give me modified testosterone for women or "female testosterone'. How should the testosterone be modified? Well the bright brains at Pfizer that invented Viagra can figure all the details out, but all that it should do is increase women's sexual drive without any scary side effects, such as breast size reduction, increased strength and increased aggression. I repeat, without any side effects. Now, the obvious benefit to men is increased sex drive in our partners, and I know that as men, we tend to think with our joy stick's but let's keep our minds out of the gutter long enough to ask the truly important question: If women wanted sex as much as men, would the dynamics of male-female relationships change?

Remember, how your other half wanted those Manolo Blahnik shoes (with Gucci heels and Chanel straps) and was in such a bad mood because you couldn't afford the $5,000 price tag. Well have you ever been in a bad mood because she didn't buy you a pair of shoes? Of course not. And why not? Because you have more testosterone than she does. Now give her two drops of ‘female testosterone' and watch her stay angry until she sees you jump in the shower. Watch her go from angry to turned on in 60 seconds. Then cry with joy while she molests you uncontrollably in the shower. Get the picture? Two weeks worth of nagging, unexplainable silence, mind games, bitchy comments, all gone because of our great friend ‘female testosterone' and you got shagged in the shower like the rascal that you really are.

The possibilities are endless: Lunch time will take on new meaning. Imagine "Men Are From Mars, So Are Women". Imagine Sunday football becoming a romantic occasion. Now tell me which is more valuable Viagra or ‘female testosterone'?

Well the story will end here unless, we take a stand and demand that Pfizer takes up the challenge to manufacture ‘female testosterone' and your favorite writer Kungfu Iceskater has taken it upon himself to write an open letter to Pfizer, demanding immediate attention to this epic matter. Kungfu will publish this letter here on The Spoof within one week. Till then, brothers, hang in there, and remember; the battle may have been won by women, but THE WAR IS FAR FROM OVER!!!!!!!!!!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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