Written by Linguini
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Texas, Rumsfeld

Sunday, 16 May 2004

image for Bush Actually Shoots Himself in the Foot at Rally for Rumsfeld!
"$tay the course (for Oil Contract$ in Iraq) . . . forever! Stubborness in the face of overwhelmingly bad facts is a virtue!"

Yesterday afternoon in Forth Worth, Texas, at a "2nd Amendment Rally" sponsored by the NRA in "A Tribute to Our Superb Outgoing Defense Secretary Rumsfeld," President Bush accidentally fired a new "safety non-safety" rifle into his left foot, with the bullet then ricocheting into Vice-president Cheney's crotch, who was seated nearby drinking a glass of sherry. "Oh my!" exclaimed Cheney. "That would have hurt if I had any balls left from the last Senate investigation of me."

Bush, in a rare moment of humility, then actually **apologized**, saying, "Sorry, Dick, I was just loading up to give these guys some B.S., and off it went. How many hundred dollar bills have you stuffed into your pocket so far today?"

Unfazed, Bush went on praising Defense Secretary Rumsfeld as "having done a **superb** job in Iraq," - "staying the course, stemming the tide, stopping the bleeding, winning the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people, continuing to fortify our troops with the courage needed for victory, giving freedom hope over evil, lightness over darkness, vigilance over cowardice, SUVs over mass transit, forest products over forests, and . . . Bush over Kerry!"

Cheney was heard to mutter, "Hey, this guy can sell sow bellies to a vegetarian! He is the consummate B.S. Artist, a real Leonardo Davinski! Glad he's on our side!"

When asked about his new favorite, two syllable word, "superb," Bush said that he had to come up with something to counter all of the negative press he knew Rumsfeld would soon be receiving like having okayed harsh interrogations at the Abu Gharib prison. Bush said that when he used to sell encyclopaedias door-to-door that he used the word "'superb' a lot," and it worked, so why not now?"

After completing his talk, a still-on mike near the podium revealed his slyly quipping to Cheney, "I can sell anything, even the good side of having naked Iraqi detainees in prison!"

An unnamed reliable Beltway source reports that next week you will hear from Bush: "Those photos of naked Iraqi solders have already helped us obtain valuable information necessary to defeat the war on terror! That's right. What? You want proof? I just gave it to you, didn't you hear me? What, are you, an un-patriot living in the US? Don't even attempt to think. Don't read the newspapers. Neither Rumselfd nor I do! Just stay the course . . . ."

Make Linguini's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 1?

2 1 3 9
77 readers are online right now!

Go to top