Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: Vegetables, Tomato

Thursday, 12 June 2008

image for "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" advance on the Nation's Capitol as Bush retreats from shorting the FDA budget
"Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" not just a movie anymore and coming soon to a store, restaurant or dining room near

Washington, DC - Refusing any additional funding during the Congressional hearings on the Chinese wheat gluten and lead contamination scare to hire addition FDA inspectors, the Bush administration has reversed its position and now asks Congress for the money, after an attack of the salmonella-tainted killer tomatoes advanced on the nation, leaving a swath of financial ruin, illness and death in its wake.

Critics of the Bush administration's 180-degree turnaround, however, say it is to little to late and doubt his motive behind the request to Congress to increase the FDA budget.

"It appears financial loss, not the loss of life, seems to be the only reason why the Bush Administration has reversed its position of providing more funding to the FDA to better monitor contaminated food or consumer goods,"' said a critic. "It is the food sector industry losses, which are in millions of dollars, that he responding to and not the outcries of the American people for safer food."

"That's simply not true," said Walter McCloud, Head Chef of the White House cooking staff. "The President realized he had to take immediate action when yesterday during his lunch in the Rose Garden he noticed his BLT was missing the T."

Reportedly Bush was up set, convinced that missing T in his BLT was a left wing conspiracy to steal the letter T from the alphabet so the GOP could not make terrorism an issue in the up coming 2008 Presidential Campaign.

"We finally managed to convince him otherwise by severing him some alphabet soup," said McCloud. "But when he finished that, he asked for some tomato soup. That's when all hell broke loose."

It was then the White House cooking staff could no longer hide the truth from the President and had to explain to him that they could not serve him tomatoes or any tomato based products because of the salmonella-tainted tomatoes scare.

"The Secret Service confiscated all our tomatoes," said a visibly shaken member of the White House cooking staff. "Then…then they gathered them in the middle of the kitchen and proceeded to stomp on them. It was horrible. I still can't get the tomato juice stains out of my cooking hat."

"The President now realizes the importance of FDA inspectors first hand," said a White House spokesman. "More importantly, he realizes that although potato may rhyme with tomato, it just doesn't taste the same on a BLT."

At last reports, the President was relaxing in the West Wing with a tall glass of lemonade before it was suddenly wrestled away from him by the Secret Service without explanation.

"Yeah, about that," said McCloud. "This time we're drawing straws on which one of us will break the news to him."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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