The world's greatest flip-floppin', backflippin', backspinnin', breakdancin' former acrobat turned politician and Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry, (AKA "The Artful Dodger") today announced he supports gay marriages.
According to the "King of Late Night TV", Jay Leno, John Kerry said "I support gay marriages, providing they involve heterosexual couples that are not only gay, but appropriately happy." He continued, "I believe that men and women everywhere have a right to choose to live their lives as they please, particularly in this great country of ours. If William Hung doesn't agree with me I don't know who does. By the way is William Hung straight or gay? Seriously, I'm not sure? He wears those Hawaiian fruit cocktail shirts, sings Ricky Martin, has a gap-tooth smile, and his name is Hung? Surely someone knows?" After thinking some more he said, "I don't want to know the answer, I think it's clear from the name of that damn song he sings repeatedly: "He Bangs, He Bangs, Ooh Baby"."
Capitalizing on John Kerry's dual position, George Bush Texas Ranger said "You know Kerry, if you approve of gay marriages, why don't you think carefully about the words "human pyramid" and see if the skin doesn't crawl off your bones. We should send you to Abu-Gharib prison for two weeks. Make no mistake about it, you'll have hormonal hot flashes and sleep-derivation induced nightmares when you hear the words "gay" and "marriage" used side by side."
John Kerry could not be reached for comment as he is fighting efforts by his wife and heiress to Heinz fortune, Theresa Heinz, to change his last name from Kerry to Heinz. He is however quoted as saying, "I might be a back-flipping, change-my-position, whore, but trust me, in my marriage, I sure ain't the bitch."
Your "will go there, make no mistake about it" writer KungFu IceSkater approved this message.