Written by Bodhi LeBoeuf
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Thursday, 5 June 2008

image for Rush Is On To Open 'New Tribe' Restaurant
On the menu?

New York, NY - In the wake of the startling discovery in the Brazilian rainforest of what may be the last uncontacted indigenous tribe, a consortium of Manhattan restaurant owners is hoping to base a new dining spot on the tribe's native cuisine.

"This comes as a godsend, because we've simply run out of new ethnicities to feature", says Herb Kraut, one of the investors. "There aren't even any new combos left to try. The last one we could come up with was Scottish-Vietnamese, and that opened over a year ago."

One hurdle that the restaurateurs still face is that no one has actually contacted the natives directly yet. "From the aerial reconnaissance that we have so far, it appears that their diet consists mainly of grub worms, strips of flesh from a lemur-like animal, and some unidentifiable brown stuff that is probably the pulp from a jungle plant. It may be that they supplement this with the remains of fallen warriors from neighboring tribes. That probably wouldn't get by the health inspectors."

Despite the difficulties, the group is optimistic. Kraut even hopes to hire one of the tribesmen as head chef. "I know that these people don't speak English", he says, "but anyone who manages to contact them should spread the word: this is a full partnership we're talking about. The days of buying Manhattan from the Indians for $24 are over."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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