Washington, DC - Outraged Republican Party officials denounced the compromise reached today by the Democratic Party Rules Committee, seating 50% of the delegates from Michigan and Florida even though those states had violated party rules.
"I am outraged!" said Party ethicist Karl Rove, "The Republican Party did the exact same thing: seat half the delegates. The Democrats are nothing but big copycats!"
"I condemn this action in the strongest terms." agreed Republican candidate John Sidney McCain III. "The only way to protect America from democracy is to strike first! Bomb Iran!"
Pundits agreed the Democratic Party Rules Committee had acted improperly. "This compromise threatens to bring the primary season to a close," complained Hillary commentator George Stephanopoulos. "What, then, will we use for headlines? The voters have no interest in issues such as Iraq, the economy and the environment. If the Democrats compromise on their disagreement, it could mean thousands of layoffs in the pundit industry."
Meanwhile, among the corporatist faction of the Democratic Party, gloom descended. "Our last hope was to drag this out to the convention," whispered one DLC chair, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Now we have to find another way to lose in November. If someone who opposes NAFTA gets into the Oval Office, our owners will be much displeased."