President George W Bush will today start taking English lessons.
Although all other American citizens speak English perfectly, and have done so for hundreds of years, Mr. Bush has a slight birth defect, that makes it impossible for him to talk in long sentences or pronounce words correctly.
From his bar in the White House he said: 'Look, I hold up my hand unmistakingly. I need hayelp, I need another Scotch. Why do them Scotties call it Scotch, isn't Scotchland in Ireland?'
And his wife, Laura, added: 'Yes, George has finally admitted he sounds like a brain-damaged alcoholic baboon, I hope this will work out for the best.' Harvard Professor of English, Zbigniev Polskinski, said : 'We'll try our best, but it may not be possible to teach the President to speak properly, he may only be able to sound like a drunken 6 year-old child.'
Mr. Bush himself summed up the difficulties he faces with these words: 'If they can teachify Arnold Schwarzkopf to speech English, then there's hope for me yet. And don't forget, my fellow Pelicans, it's not what you say that matters, it's where you send it to.'
Hillary Clinton was too busy talking about herself to make a comment.