Springfield PA--A very irate and insane grocery shopper went berserk at a local Poke 'N' Toke supermarket today. Police say Mr. Fish, 97, lost his patience and his mind while grocery shopping and killed 28 people with his shopping cart.
Mr. Fish equipped his shopping cart with weapons of mass destruction. He attached two bayonets, a machine gun, a laser cannon and a grenade launcher to the cart before he entered the store.
Mr. Fish first went to the produce department for an eggplant. His first victim was an obese woman blocking the aisle with her cart. She was bayoneted and then run over by the shopping cart. She won't be making that mistake again!
The next stop was the meat department to buy boiled squid. There was a young lady with two screaming kids in the way and that bugged the hell out of Mr. Fish. The laser beam took care of the kids. Mr. Fish kindly told the mother she can always have more children.
The third stop was frozen foods and that's where most of the fatalities occurred. There was a herd of vapid, obese, over-medicated and under-sexed housewives blocking the entire section. Mr. Fish fired the grenade launcher and a dozen butterballs turned into grease!
Mr. Fish then went to the checkout line. Of course, everyone in front of him got out of his way. The poor clerk told Mr. Fish his eggplant coupon expired. Her reward was a quick beheading.
Mr. Fish was arrested by local police in the parking lot of the Poke 'N' Toke. He had no explanation for his violent behavior and was committed to the Laughing Cow State Hospital and Space Cadet Center for observation.