Written by twister

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Topics: John McCain

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

image for McCain's doctors declare him fit, No sign of cold.
"Cold, what cold?"

1173 pages of presidential candidate John McCain's medical history were released to a group of press reporters on Friday. Apparently there was no indication that the 71 year old was suffering from cold.

There were also no reports that Mr.McCain was suffering from indigestion, constipation, running nose, cough, athlete's foot, bad breath, boils, acne, diarrhea, eczema, flatulence, head lice, hiccups, insect bites, menopausal problems or worms.

It was however revealed that Mr. John McCain had a history melanoma skin cancer, high cholesterol, kidney stones, bladder stones, enlarged prostate, and benign colon polyps. He has had four surgeries to cure his skin cancer and a laser fragmentation of his bladder stones. However, it was said, Mr. McCain does not have any memory of any memory loss.

It was further reported Mr. McCain takes Hydrochlorothiazide to prevent kidney stones, simvastatin to control his cholesterol levels, aspirin for blood clot prevention, Zyrtec, an antihistamine for nasal allergies, Ambien CR for sleep when traveling and a multiple vitamin tablet.

The release of information is expected to help the Republican presidential nominee against his Democratic contenders, 46 year old Barack Obama and 60 year old Hillary Clinton. Neither have them have a medical history running to 1173 pages; neither is reported to possess a documented record, large enough to be released to the public; and neither of them is as old as Mr McCain or has had as many doctor visits as he has had.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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