ARLINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- President Bush paid tribute on Memorial Day Monday to Pat Tillman and America's fighting men and women buried here "who died in my wars based on lies for Israel and Big Oil and to make rich Republicans even richer," he said.
"On this Memorial Day, I stand before you as the Commander in Chief to tell you how proud I am of their sacrifice," Bush told an audience of military officers, veterans and their families on the rolling hills of Arlington National Cemetery.
"Of the men and women buried in this cemetery," the inebriated lame duck president said, "they are all pretty dead but the United States is blessed to have such people."
Bush praised football star Pat Tillman who had left a multimillion-dollar contract with the Arizona Cardinals to join the Army Rangers, wanting to go fight in Afghanistan after 911.
"Yet the cover-up of Pat's death wasn't done very effectively," regretted Bush, pointing an accusing finger at Pentagon representative General "Bull" Buntline who turned a deep scarlet.
When the former NFL safety was killed in April 2004, Buntline told his family he died in an enemy ambush.
Tillman was then posthumously awarded the Silver Star.
Yet after Buntline told a story at a nationally televised memorial of Tillman charging up a hill in pursuit of gooks, the Army reported that in fact Tillman had been shot three times in the head by "friendly fire."
"From faraway lands, they were returned to cemeteries like this one where broken hearts received their broken bodies," Bush sobbed.
"They found peace beneath these white headstones far from the land where they fought against freedom fighters and to preserve the lifestyles of greedy rich imperial bastards like me and my cronies. It is a solemn reminder of the cost of freedom for the moneyed ones that the number of headstones in a place such as this grows with every new Memorial Day."
"They have made our military industrial complex richer too with their sacrifice, not to mention many, many oilmen like myself and the land-thieving Israelis."
--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire