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Tuesday, 27 May 2008

image for Nasa Probe Searches for Life in Clinton Campaign
Scientists believe the Clinton campaign may once have held water

Nasa's "Vulture" lander is set to touch down this morning on the surface of the Clinton for President campaign, in what scientists are describing as the most risky journey since the "Gere" probe landed on Shilpa Shetty last year.

"From a distance the surface of the campaign has a barren, reddish appearance," said Dr C. Bass Fisher of Imperial College, London, a member of the project team. "However, we believe it may have once teemed with life."

The probe is equipped with a robotic arm designed to dig below the surface of the campaign to see if it retains any vitality. A camera will capture video footage of large stone structures believed to have once been inhabited by a race of superdelegates. "Or these things could just be big bloody useless rocks. We haven't the foggiest," Fisher admitted.

The final seven minutes of the probe's journey will be the riskiest. It will have to navigate a diminishing but nevertheless deranged herd of Clinton campaign aides bent on its destruction. "No probe has ever survived attack by Howard Wolfson," Fisher noted, referring to a top Clinton strategist.

"At the last possible moment the Vulture will release several Mark Penn decoy robots to distract Wolfson, thus enabling the probe to land." Fisher said. However, he admitted that laboratory tests of the robots had produced "mixed results," particularly when several of them insisted on lobbying for the government of Colombia rather than completing the mission.

If the Vulture lands intact it will conduct scientific experiments for the next several weeks. Among the most important is a unique soil-sampling device that will test for Clinton's vice presidential ambitions.

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