President Bush announced today that these terrorist mountains caused tornadoes, hail and floods by launching leftist cold-hearted air to attack righteously-roaming warm air from the Republican Gulf of Mexico.
The president waved papers, which, he claimed, was a death-bed confession by an Iranian describing how gay advocates of evolution were involved in this plot that was responsible for causing Hurricane Katrina. He ordered that the Rockies be removed.
Waves of bombers began pulverizing Pike's Peak. Excavated blocks of stone were transported to the U.S. coast to provide bulkheads against rising waters from melting glaciers.
The residual rock dust was added to flour to extend the food supply to the poor.
The cost of this new war was expected to be for paid by fees from the wealthy, who can have replicas of their faces carved into the remaing ridges- a Mt. Rushmore for the rich.
The president predicted that the nation's atmosphere would be transformed from tremendous turmoil and tumult to one of tranquillity.