Anchorage, Alaska - (Frozen Ass Mess): Governor Sarah Palin is determined to de-list polar bears as a threatened species after a law protecting them was passed in DC last week.
Palin sees the Arctic's most majestic animals as fetid disease-spreading critters that should be culled and boiled down for soup.
Environmentalist who argue for a need to protect them say melting ice shelves are destroying vital habitats that have traditionally housed the bear colonies for centuries.
Palin thinks this is no reason to stop the culling.
"We'll build a few floating platforms near the oil rigs and stuff them with seals, fish and other diet requisites," a source close to the Governor said today.
Conservationists are unhappy with this solution and will be lobbying to have the Governor declared unfir for office by reason of diminished responsibility.
"Bear-hating is a classic symptom of post-puerperal psychosis," Juneau's leading shrink Prof V Smart said today,
"Governor Palin's bonkers after the last pregnancy."