Written by Deanna Goodson
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Topics: Washington, Steps

Wednesday, 12 May 2004

image for Kerry Starts Busting Up Bush's Cabinet: Forgets He's Not President
I'm not the president yet, but I sure act like one!

Washington, DC --

John "Big Head" Kerry has decided that it's high time he steps in and fixes the messes of the Bush administration. He is calling for Rumsfeld's resignation, citing 'gross incompetence' over the way the Secretary of Defense has handled the Iraqi war and the abuse scandal in specific.

"Anyone can do a better job than Rumsfeld. I mean Ted Kennedy would be great. John McCain is a good one. Perhaps even Paula Abdul. She sure keeps that British terrorist, Simon Cowell, under control on that show. But I would prefer a democrat who's also a friend of mine so we can play golf together. You know how much I like to play golf." John Kerry supposedly said to his wife as they watched American Idol last night.

When Kerry was asked the question by this reporter,
"aren't your overstepping your bounds?" I mean you aren't even president yet, he might've replied, "Does that really matter? I mean isn't it just a technicality? The more Bush and his idiot crew screw up the less likely it becomes that he'll be president again for a second term. I may as well start controlling the Cabinet now."

Instead, I got a big fat, "No comment and you are not allowed within 100 feet of the presidential nominee, miss" from his camp.

Calls to President Bush's people returned a lot of maniacal laughter. "He wants to do what," the operator at the White House switchboard asked. "Now, that's funny."

Donald Rumsfeld's camp(ing) buddies had this to say, "Kerry shouldn't get too cocky yet. Remember Florida. Chads don't hang themselves you know."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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