A study performed at Massachusetts General Hospital revealed today that liberalism causes seizures, brain tumors, and cancer. This study will go hand-in-hand with Ted Kennedy's recent health problems and is currently suspected to be the main cause of his complications.
Dr. Right, who was the doctor treating US Senator Ted Kennedy after his seizure, found a lump on his brain. "It was a pretty big lump," said Right, "about the size of the hole we found in his heart about a year ago."
According to the doctors, the lump is located at the Limbic System, which is the part of the brain that controls emotions, general awareness, and overall smartness. Their plan is to remove it and place it into the hole in his heart to see what kind of new attitude he may acquire. The goal is, of 'course, to restore normal human behavior.