Burma - The military dictators of Burma expressed dismay that Doug Goodyear, their mole in the John McCain campaign, has been outed.
"We paid $348,000 to Goodyear to make us look good to America. We liked his press releases denouncing the Bush administration claims that we raped and abused our peasantry. But when he suggested joining the McCain campaign we thought - gee, that's brilliant!"
Opinions differ as to why McCain picked Goodyear for Republican Convention Chair. "Goodyear came cheap," said a campaign spokesman. "As CEO of DCI Group, a consulting firm that earned $3 million last year lobbying for ExxonMobil, General Motors and the like, we didn't really have to pay him a salary. He'd get compensated in other ways, once McCain got into the Oval Office."
McCain himself had a different story. "I had to choose either Goodyear or Paul Manafort," he revealed, "Manafort had represented Ferdinand Marcos plus Viktor Yanukovich, the corrupt Ukrainian prime minister. So Goodyear really was the more honest guy."
Sadly for the Burmese dictators, Newsweek magazine revealed their payoff to Goodyear, and he soon resigned. "But don't worry," he assured reporters. "I led a pro-Republican 527 in 2004, and I'm ready to do so again. Believe me, it pays off - bigtime!"